On Celebrity Nude Photos

A few days ago I read a number of news articles stating dozens of female celebrities’ personal cloud services were hacked and nude photos of them were stolen and posted online for the world to see. I wasn’t surprised that this is possible, or even that it happened, given the level of technology out there today. And at first, I had a moderate amount of curiosity; I’ll be honest. Jennifer Lawrence is pretty smokin’ hot, and I wanted to see if her private life was as awesome as her public life…maybe? Maybe it was just the voyeur in me. 

I didn’t look, though, and I’m glad I didn’t. I’m sure it would’ve been as easy as a simple Google search, or a quick Reddit browsing. I read through hundreds of comments online and found myself becoming frustrated with the level of disgust some people had that people take nude photos, the level of nonchalance others had that privacy was violated, and the level of perversity some others had as they deemed the event “The Fappening” and openly admitted to masturbating right then and there. The most common comment I read was along the lines of, “If celebrities don’t want nude photos of them on the internet, they shouldn’t take nude photos.” Even other celebrities promoted this kind of thinking:

“Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on your computer.”  

– Ricky Gervais

What I find lacking in those kinds of statements is proper responsibility. Any and every person has the right to privacy regarding anything they want. Celebrities may give up a lot of privacy when it comes to where they grocery shop, where they buy their morning coffee, who they work out with, and even who they date, but I don’t think that line of privacy extends into their sexual life, nor does it mean the general population gets to see their naked bodies unless they want us to.  

I think we get confused sometimes when it comes to celebrities. We watch their movies, we see them bare emotions and act out lives. We watch them in interviews and pretend we have a relationship of some kind with them. Their job is to entertain us. Their very existence in that role invites us to seek out more and more of their private lives. 

There are celebrities (and non-celebrities) who earn money to pose naked for magazines, TV shows, and movies. They make the choice to put their whole bodies out there for our entertainment. They are comfortable with that level of exposure and enjoy it, along with the compensation they get out of it. They choose what images and clips are put out into the world; they choose which body parts are shown. 

And there are celebrities who are not comfortable sharing their WHOLE bodies with the public. Or even not comfortable sharing certain parts. How is this any different than a regular Joe down the street making the same choices? 

I have the freedom to take sexy photos of myself for my husband and really anyone I want to share myself with. Photography and cinematography can be a wonderful way to express thought and incite action on a personal level. If I were to ever take private photos of myself, there are certain protections I would make use of, for example, cloud services which promise privacy, or my own personal hard drives paired with virus protection.

If I take action to maintain the privacy of my images, is it my fault if another individual violates the law and that privacy to steal and share the images? 

An old grandma is walking in a parking lot to her car at 10:00 PM from an trip to the grocery store. She is mugged, and people say how terrible it is, but that she shouldn’t have been out so late. The blame is taken from the mugger. 

A woman is being dropped off at home from a blind date where they went dancing. The whole night she felt fantastic about how she looked at the club, and they had a good time. She tells him goodnight but he wants more. She is guilted into letting him upstairs where he forces her to have sex on her couch. If she tells anyone, they will only tell her she dressed too sexy and how could she have expected anything else? The blame is taken from the rapist. 

Jennifer Lawrence takes some sexy photos with her boyfriend and stores them in iCloud, which is protected with a password and supposedly backed up by the almighty Apple. She feels great about how she looks, and enjoys sharing this part of herself with a few people. Some stranger spends hours and thousands of dollars hacking into her private photo albums, and shows the world her naked body. People tell her it’s her fault her body is now public; she asked for it. The blame is taken away from thief. 

Lena Dunham said it perfectly on Twitter:

“The way in which you share your body must be a CHOICE. Support these women and do not look at these pictures. Remember, when you look at these pictures you are violating these women again and again. It’s not okay. Seriously, do not forget that the person who stole these pictures and leaked them is not a hacker: they’re a sex offender.” 

– Lena Dunham

If I had naked pictures of myself in my dresser, and some guy came in and stole them, looked at them every day, and shared them with his friends, he would be violating my privacy and would be considered a sex offender. If I walked naked in my house which has locked doors and closed windows, and someone took video of it to share online, they would be violating my privacy.

I have a body, I have naked, sexy bits. They exist. They really do. Sometimes I may share them with other people of my choice in the manner of my choice. Why is this a crime? Why does this mean I should be forced to share them with EVERYONE? Why does this mean I should share the blame with someone who steals and exploits me?

Why is there a disconnect here when it comes to celebrities being naked and their privacy? Do they not have any rights at all for being famous? Why do people insist on blaming the victims when it comes to sexual offenses? Why is it always assumed that if a naked photo exists, it is up for grabs? Do we assume this when we take innocent pictures of our babies we want to keep private? What if someone hacked into your iCloud and stole all your private baby photos–the ones you’ve been keeping off the internet to protect your child’s privacy–and posted them all over the internet for baby lovers to oggle and get off to? 

And do we realize that every time we look at a photo or video that wasn’t intended to be shared with us, we are violating another human? Would that person be okay with us looking at it if they knew? That’s the question we need to ask ourselves, I think. There are all sorts of levels of acceptance in the world when it comes to nakedness, sex, and the public. It’s not for everyone to do, and it’s not everyone’s favorite to look at. It may be something you think is wrong to participate in, and you may think it is bad for society. But there are adults out here who think the only lines to draw are how old you are, if you consent, and who you want to see it. Just because you are on the other side of the spectrum (or somewhere in between) does that mean another person’s boundaries don’t matter? 

 

Perception

Today I want to talk about perception.

Tiny anecdote: A week or so ago I was weeding in my garden, stepping lightly to avoid all the spiders and creepers I know live in there, when to my surprise I found a watermelon growing! This is my first garden ever, and I have had hurdle after hurdle to jump over getting things right. I planted 3 times, had dogs dig everything up, some things don’t seem to be growing, etc. I’ve also always been a little … cursed when it comes to keeping plants alive. Don’t ask me why I decided gardening was something I HAVE to do.

None of my pumpkins were growing, and my attempt the week before to manually pollinate the male and female pumpkin flowers ended with me lunging over the picket fence surrounding the garden screaming, freaking the dogs out, because there was a bee in the flower I chose to squeeze first. I laughed about it after I stopped having the willies. Anyway, no pumpkins yet, no watermelon yet, no green beans or cucumbers, peppers or strawberries. All I’d been able to grow to that point were bland zuchinnis and 1 delicious tomato, albeit kinda under ripe.

Enter: Beautiful watermelon! I love you! It was the size of a bowling ball and smooth, and a lovely shade of green and yellow. All nestled underneath a canopy of pumpkin and watermelon leaves at the back of the garden.

7-10 days later, I hop out to my garden to pick me some watermelon on my one night alone at home in 3 months when Trevor is at his writing group meeting!

Here’s Darwin with my pretty plant.

 

I cut into it while I was simultaneously cooking up my delicious boxed mac ‘n cheese (also another home-alone luxury), changing out of my work clothes, and deciding whether or not to add leftover hot dogs to my dinner.

Not a watermelon.

Oh.

Duh.

It has little ridges, and I guess it makes sense it’s a pumpkin.

Over the next few days, I obviously had to question myself how I could possibly think it was a watermelon. The question seemed to bug Trevor more than it bugged me–it kind of just makes me laugh because I do stuff like that not infrequently. “Flabbergasted” was the word he used. Me too, honestly. It’s one of the more obvious dumb mistakes I’ve made, and it just got me reflecting on how I SAW a watermelon, and I kept seeing a watermelon even after the facts should have told me it wasn’t a watermelon. I mean, just look at that first picture! It has ridges! It’s shaped like a pumpkin! But I couldn’t see anything other than a watermelon because that’s what I’d called it in my mind the first time I saw it.

How often do I see something and call it something, based only on the knowledge I have at the time?

How could my mind trick my better judgement?

Just kind of interesting to think about the philosophical discussion that could come from those questions. Do we make things fit into our world to make it the way we want it to be? Or do we take things for what they are?

Maybe I’m thinking too deeply about watermelons.

My next realization was that I’d just ruined the only pumpkin I was able to grow 😦 Sad. I did some reading and found out you can still use it if you sweeten it up a little and prepare for extra moisture. I made 3 loaves of delicious unripe pumpkin bread last night.

 

“Fallen Away”

I’m about to write my first religious post.

I completely understand if some of my friends and family don’t want to read thoughts I have that aren’t necessarily pro-religion, and I won’t hold it against anyone who doesn’t want to know or respond. But I want to think out some stuff, and express it for others to consider and converse about; this is a safe place for me to do that.

The last few days I’ve been thinking about words we use without thinking about them. Specifically, in reference to my own experience leaving the LDS Church. When my husband stopped attending church with me several years back, I usually told people he was having a hard time, but eventually came to the conclusion that he was inactive and had fallen away from the gospel. I told people this. People told me this. People sympathized with me over this. I felt this was a sensitive way to phrase my explanation of the situation to friends, family, and ward members. 

Fast forward a handful of years to when I myself went on a personal journey and came to my own conclusion that I do not believe in the foundation of the LDS Church (Joseph Smith and Book of Mormon). Over the course of a year of being “out,” I have started to encounter situations where I have to give people a one-sentence breakdown of my status within the church. For a while, I said, I’m inactive. Then that didn’t feel right anymore, and I said I’m not a member. A few times I would have conversation with people and they would reference my change as a “falling away.” And every now and then, in hasty conversation I would again reference Trevor’s experience as a “falling away” or “becoming inactive.” Every time I would use these phrases applied to either of our situations, it didn’t sit well with me because they didn’t explain things from the right perspective. 

For a little reference, I’ve made a list of words that describe how I felt during my first few months after I accepted my decision to not claim Mormonism as my faith:

open

free

stimulated

deliberate

wonder

climbing

active

expanding

seeking

embracing

reassessing

awake

bare

rolling

unlocked

That’s just a few I can think of when I think about that time. 

Now I’d like to talk about words the phrases “fallen away” and “inactive” connote:

lowering

worsening

stepping backward

losing something

decline

immobile

static

unintended

sorrow

Thinking back on my time as an active Mormon when my husband was discovering his atheism, I see how from that perspective of mine at the time, he was falling away. He would explain to me that he felt awake, free, and contemplative, but all I saw was him “falling.” Over time, I came to see that he was growing as a person, that his self-esteem was expanding, and that he personally didn’t feel like he was losing anything.

It has been a strange year to witness some of the same emotions within myself that I saw in him from my perspective inside the Church. From my current perspective, I would not deem my experience a falling, but a climbing. I would not deem my activity level as inactive, but progressive.

I don’t hold it against someone on the inside of the Church thinking I have left behind something they hold in the highest regard. I have said, “Thank you, but no thank you,” to the thing believers hold most dear and wish everyone to share. However, the last year has shown to me that a conscientious vocabulary can make a big difference in understanding and sympathizing with others who hold a different point of view. What would my understanding of my husband’s heart have been if instead of labeling him as a fallen member in my words and thoughts, I had made an effort to sometimes see him as the unlocked man he saw himself as? And what difference would it have made to him if to others I called him the embraced atheist he thought himself instead of an inactive member having a hard time? Knowing my position at the time, it would have been difficult, and I wouldn’t have completely given up my hope that he would one day conclude God existed, but could it have possibly made our relationship more welcoming, more understanding, and more compassionate? I believe so.

As I go through this experience, I often hear people mention “fallen away” family members and friends, and I wonder, would it make a difference if we used different language? Would it give our minds the second needed to appreciate another perspective if only for a minute? I can’t help but think, yes.

And I can’t help but consider the other phrases I use in regards to perspectives people hold that differ from my current position. People long to be valued for who they are. We wish others to value the traits within ourselves which we deem most valuable. After all this thinking, I find it important to keep in mind the things members, non-members, and non-affiliates value when considering them as a person. Do I as an agnostic, in conversation with an atheist, belittle the resolve my religious friend has by calling them blind or brainwashed? From outside the Church, to some, those words are an accurate description for someone who is Mormon. But to the Mormon? Does it respect their position for me to only ever consider them as blind rather than faithful, as they consider themselves? Do my family members disrespect me by saying that I have “lost the spirit,” and never consider that I believe there was no spirit to be lost? What value can come from considering both perspectives (or even more?) when forming an idea of a person in our minds?

Important concepts to think about, I think. 

Addicted to Buying Food

Over the weekend I was talking to my husband about how much we have been eating out over the last few weeks. Sometimes this happens. We get in a mode of eating out or grabbing dinner on the way home from work to avoid the stress of making and cleaning up dinner amidst all the other things we have going on that night. And sometimes we don’t buy good things for lunch or we want an actual lunch break away from work so we buy more fast food than we really should. And sometimes we run out of milk in the mornings or are just hungry for an amazingly bad for us breakfast from the gas station, so we buy breakfast on the way to work.

And sometimes all three of those end up happening a lot in a two week period.

And we suddenly realize we have the urge to go buy dinner instead of making it even when we have nothing going on that night; the urge to buy a fancy shmancy salad from Zupas even when we have a tuna sandwich in the fridge at work doesn’t seem SO terrible. Especially when I don’t have to talk about it to anyone. Especially, ESPECIALLY when it was Trevor’s idea to grab a burger during our errands last night and not mine. 

Anywho, back to the story. I was talking with Trevor about how it was time to go back to normal again. We have this conversation every now and then when things get out of control. One of us usually brings it up, and then we go back to regular life full of carrot sticks for lunch and grilled chicken and rice for dinner. It usually happens when our bodies start to catch up and we each are spending longer and longer in the bathroom, or have complained 5 too many times about not feeling well.

But it’s always surprising to me just how addicting it is to spend spend spend. Immediately after having the conversation about physically craving vegetables for dinner today, we were out running errands and were stopped at a red light next to Taco Bell. Seriously? In what world does Taco Bell sound appealing? Apparently, in the world where Becky hasn’t had a good side of fruit and vegetables for days. I recognized the conflicting desires within myself. My physical body was telling me I needed some real food, but my mind was craving grease, spice, and comfort. Which led to actual physical pangs of hunger for something that made me feel sick to my stomach to think about minutes before.

I told Trevor. Out loud. And just taking those few seconds to voice my conflict gave me the resolve I needed. It made it so much more obvious that I was falling trap to an addictive behavior that isn’t good for me. I couldn’t think of anything more appealing in that second than seeing my debit card swipe in exchange for hot, crispy, flavorful food in mere minutes. 

I looked up some info about addiction, and found a lot of sources say there’s a big difference between a habit and an addiction. A habit is something you can control, and an addiction isn’t. With an addiction, your body and mind go on wanting and needing the behavior even when you try to control it. Now, I don’t think something this trivial can be compared to most serious addictions out there, but I definitely think there’s more to food and spending addictions than just habit. And I think it’s important for us to realize the affects that has on our choices. It’s important to realize when we need outside motivators or more time to consider our choices to make change in our lives. 

When I admit to myself I have trouble making the greater decision even though I ultimately know it’s for the best, I have to make decisions for myself when I’m in a good frame of mind, that I can’t back out on under pressure. A few examples of things that work for me:

• I have to act on the urge to go “good” grocery shopping as early as possible the second I feel it. This helps me by making sure I have healthy, normal foods around the house so I actually have options at home I can’t ignore. There’s no better immediate motivator for me to cook at home than a pack of raw chicken about to go bad if I don’t use it right away.
• I USUALLY have more motivation in the morning to make today a smart day. So packing something a little special like leftover curry, or extra of good foods in the morning helps me feel like I have a smorgasbord of options for later on in the day. Like, I’ll pack stuff for salad, soup, sandwich, popcorn, and maybe something else. Then when lunch time comes around at work, I have SO MUCH to choose from there’s no way I can trick myself into feeling like I’ll go hungry or disappointed if I eat what I brought.
• The addiction/behavior, to me, isn’t just about a food craving, it’s about spending and getting a reward. I’ve talked about this before with people, but sometimes, I even have to make the decision in a single, rare moment of clarity to remove all my debit/credit cards from my purse for a while. Sometimes this gives me the boost I need to not spend money for a few days to get out of the habit. 
• And finally, the most effective way for me to stop reverting to unhealthy behaviors is to admit to myself I’m better off when I don’t. This might be foreign to a lot of people, but for me, I have the uncanny ability to lie to myself by omission. The split second I start thinking in my brain that I shouldn’t make a choice, I block it. I get up and DO exactly the thing I know I shouldn’t. I give myself an act or a thought to replace the little Becky voice in my head telling me what I know I really should do. The best way for me to overcome this habit is to use the skill in the exact opposite way 🙂 The second I start thinking about buying dinner on the way home from work, a million possibilities go through my head, one of which is me thinking, “If Trevor was already making dinner, I know I wouldn’t want to to buy anything.” So I use my awesome brain skills and latch onto that. Without giving myself time to argue, I pick up my phone and text him to heat up the grill or defrost the chicken. Allowing myself to act instantly when I know it’s a good choice is a great way for me to combat my desire to ignore my healthier options. Might not work for everyone. Does for me 🙂

The last year has proven to me without any room for doubt that my physical health is tied to my mental health. That I am prone to letting stress tempt me into comfort eating and spending. For me, a big part about getting past that is admitting when it’s happening and rallying behind good choices when I make them. 

Here’s to a new week. Honestly all around 🙂

new beginnings

Well, hey there. Welcome to my blog, and all that. I used to have a blog a year or so ago, which I gradually stopped using because I felt pigeon-holed into talking about only certain topics. Which doesn’t make any sense at all because it was MY blog and I controlled the content… But that’s the way it felt, so… here I am now 🙂 Making a new blog that I can use as an outlet for my thoughts in my new phase of life seems very appropriate to me. It kind of feels like when you finally ditch your junior high yahoo email address for a fancy shmancy gmail account. I’m ready.

Speaking of that old blog, I feel I need to segue for some friends and family who haven’t heard much from me in the way of blogging since a year and a half ago when I last blogged anything of importance. There have been a LOT of changes in my life the last while–and not just small changes. I’m talking big changes, that actually have been made intentionally to help me feel more like me! For the first time in a really long time, I feel like I’m being myself. That I’m free to have the interests I want, the passions I crave, and the enjoyment I deserve. So here’s just where I’m at:

• It’s no secret we adopted a dog a little over a year ago, March 2013. This single change was one for which I had been longing for years, without even fully understanding why. Every time I would go to a pet store or visit someone who had a dog, I felt such a huge desire to have that companionship in my life, to have the relationship. We FINALLY arranged our lives so we could make it happen. Darwin came into our lives by way of a rescue group called Canines With a Cause and he showed me what it meant to focus my life on things not only about myself. I honestly can’t remember what we did without him. I found I have an inner passion for caring for and interacting with animals that never really had a chance to show itself.
• In September of 2013 I officially made public my desire to distance myself from my life-long religion, the LDS Church. This was obviously a very personal decision, which will undoubtedly come up in my writing and be explained more as time goes on, as it is a big part of who I am. Since my acceptance of my decision, I have grown and developed into a person I feel is authentic and real.
• Between May 2013-Christmas I lost 43 pounds 🙂 Half of my total weight-loss goal. On a completely not-in-depth level, I’ll just say, this change has affected my self-worth and confidence greatly, most especially on an emotional level. Such a good change. My body is healthier, my mind is healthier, and I feel much more capable of resisting addictive physical behaviors.
• In November 2013 Trevor (husband) and I bought a house!! Our first house. Nearly everyone does it, yet it is still so special when it’s your turn. We weighed our options and decided the best fit for us would be to move 45 minutes away from our home-town and family-centers, in favor of better bang for our buck house-wise. Our whole lifestyle changed. We now have a primary interest, and that is our home 🙂 Maintaining and enjoying it are now some of our biggest pastimes. It has given us the flexibility to find much more happiness in so many other areas of our lives, like the dogs, exercise, gardening, food preparation, relaxation with crafts, movies, and video games since we have more space, and when we have guests over.
• We adopted dog #2 in December 2013 and love Nymphy to pieces. Her full name is Nymphadora Tonks, but we feel it pays respect to Tonks’ character to not call her by her full name. We found Nymphy at Best Friends Animal Society of Utah, also another rescue group.
• I turned 26 in February. Ugh. Age.
• Recently we have started delving into more volunteer work and fostering for a new rescue we found, Rescue Rovers. We’ve only just begun, and have only had the chance to foster one dog so far, but we love the cause. And enjoy the time spent making our dogs and other dogs happier. I got to take some pictures for a few dogs waiting to get adopted, and really found a lot of satisfaction doing that. I can’t wait to do it again soon.

S’pose that’s a good place to start. I usually use my blog for writing down really long thoughts that are too long for Facebook, recipes, and long-winded updates about our life. I’ll pro’ly keep doing that 🙂